Game 5: Team Hell

Loss

Score: Team Hell 17, Byrne's Pub 7

Game Summary:
Good pitching will beat good hitting any time, and vice versa. - Casey Dillon Stengel

How the game would've gone if Spanks did not skip the game to watch Office Space:

As the BPGRC's arrived on the field they could feel the excitement in the air. They knew this was going to be a special night. So when Coach Cubby Bear pulled them over for a pep talk, a hush fell over the team. Cubby Bear whispered, " Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this but us, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody, " she whispered. "I have been authorized by Mr. Stein-Byrne-r to bribe you with anything possible to pull out a victory tonight. So you just tell me what you need to win this thing. How about 40 subscriptions to Vibe? Anyone want a PC Load letter? Or what if - and believe me this is a hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program. Would that do anything for you?

The teamed like the idea of the bribes and they all yelled in unison, "Fuckin' A, man!" and ran out to the field. They were finally motivated, but also slightly confused as to what they'd just agreed too. On his way out to the field, Hussle was overheard whispering to Hammer, "What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?". To which Hammer quietly pondered, "PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?"

Despite the confusion, the motivation seemed to be working. Everyone was hitting and the BPGRC's were racking up the runs! But as is always the case, the team had one difficult inning and the score was all tied up again. With the defense struggling, Coach Cubby Bear took a trip to the mound. Coach Cubby Bear tried to tell Tummy that he needed to switch up his pitching style if we were gonna win the game. The ump was clearly favoring a low strike zone, and Tummy's high arch pitches just weren't gonna cut it. Tummy was not happy, "No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.“Unfortunately the ump overheard this comment and was none to happy; he slowly strolled out to the mound and glared at Tummy. PYT quickly stepped in to divert attention from the pitcher, yelling at the ump, "Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?" This infuriated the ump and he quickly yelled back, "Yeah, well, that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh." Seeing things were quickly getting out of hand, Bubba Kyle sprinted in from left center to diffuse the situation. At first Cubby Bear held him back but he quickly explained that he had training in this specific type of situation. He explained, "I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

After Bubba Kyle calmed everyone down, the game got back on track. But not before Coach Cubby Bear had a quick talking to with the catcher. She instructed Chaser to show the ump a little extra lovin' to get him back on the team's good side. So after a few bad calls resulting in men on in scoring position, Chaser backed up a bit and whispered to the ump in her most sultry voice, "I wanna take you out to dinner, and then I wanna go back to my apartment and watch 'Kung Fu'. Do you ever watch 'Kung Fu'?" And that was all it took, strike 1, strike 2, strike 3. The BPGRCs had kept their opponent from scoring any runs. The score was still tied! Now they just needed one run for victory!

The finally inning started strong for the BPGRCs. And quickly the bases were loaded. With ducks on the pond, the BPGRC's just needed one solid hit to seal the deal. Coach Tree noticed that Tarsh was up to bat. She also realized that statistics show that Tarsh hits down the left field line 9 times out of ten. She knew to really ensure a chance at victory she must take over as third base coach and try and distract the third basemen. Tree decided to consult with Traveling Dan on what the best thing to say to distract the third basemen would be. "Are you a Michael Bolton fan?I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman"." was her first suggestion. To which Traveling Dan immediately replied, "No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man." They quickly brainstormed and decided the best distraction was to talk about the most boring topic imaginable. So Coach Tree got the third baseman's attention and began talking, "You know what I do all day," she began, "I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch. You see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably an hour after lunch. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. " And with that, the third basement looked over at Coach Tree with pity and said, "Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements. You deserve this win, I quit." And he walked off the field. Allowing Chaser to get on base and score the winning run!!

BPGRCs win!! BPGRCs win!! That's what I'm talkin' about when I talk about America!

Unfortunately, Spanks did skip the game to watch Office Space and the BPGRC's were run ruled yet again. But never fear, with only 6 teams in the league, Coach Cubby Bear still has high hopes for a play-off birth.

Inning by Inning:
Inning 1 => -- TH: 0 Runs -- Hammer: 1B, Tarsh: OUT 2 (F6), Bubba Kyle: 1B, Cubby Bear: OUT 2 (F8), Tummy: 1B & 1 RBI, Tree: 1B, Hussle: 1B & 1 RBI, PYT: OUT 3 (F6). SCORE: TH 0, BP 2 Inning 2 => -- TH: 0 Runs -- Traveling Dan: 2B, Chaser: 1B & OUT 2, Hammer: OUT 1 (F8), Tarsh: OUT 3 (F6). SCORE: TH 0, BP 2 Inning 3=> -- TH: 4 Runs -- Bubba Kyle: OUT 1 (F10), Cubby Bear: OUT 2 (F7), Tummy: 2B, Tree: OUT 3 (5-3). SCORE: TH 4, BP 2 Inning 4 => -- TH: 7 Runs -- Hussle: OUT 1 (F8), PYT: OUT 2 (5-3), Traveling Dan: 2B, Chaser: BB, Hammer: 1B & 1 RBI, Tarsh: OUT 3 (F6). SCORE: BP 3, TH 11 Inning 5 => -- TH: 3 Runs -- Bubba Kyle: 2B, Cubby Bear: 1B, Tummy: 1B & 1 RBI, Tree: OUT 1 (F5), Hussle: 1B & 1 RBI, PYT: BB & 1 RBI (OUT 3), Traveling Dan: OUT 2 (SAC) & 1 RBI, Chaser: BB, Hammer: 1B & 1 RBI. SCORE: BP 7, TH 14 Inning 6 => -- TH: 3 Runs -- Tarsh: OUT 1 (F5), Bubba Kyle: 1B, Cubby Bear: OUT 2 (F7), Tummy: OUT 3 (F9) -- RUN RULE -- FINAL SCORE: BP 7, TH 14.

MVP for Game 5: PYT & Chaser
Top Performers
		Batting Average					Slugging %					On Base %
Male		1.000		Traveling Dan			1.500		Traveling Dan			0.750	Bubba Kyle & Hammer & Tummy
Female		1.000		Chaser			1.000		Chaser			1.000	Chaser
		Pizza Count:			3			Beer Count:			11 pitchers
No.	Player	At Bats	Runs	Hits	RBIs	2Bs	3Bs	HRs	BBs	Ks	On Base %	Slugging %	Batting Average
4	Tummy	4	1	3	2	1	0	0	0	0	0.750	1.000	0.750
7	Hussle	3	1	2	2	0	0	0	0	0	0.667	0.667	0.667
11	Traveling Dan	2	1	2	1	1	0	0	0	0	0.667	1.500	1.000
14	Cubby Bear	4	1	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.250	0.250	0.250
15	Chaser	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	2	0	1.000	1.000	1.000
16	Tarsh	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.000	0.000	0.000
24	Bubba Kyle	4	2	3	0	1	0	0	0	0	0.750	1.000	0.750
25	Hammer	4	1	3	1	0	0	0	0	0	0.750	0.750	0.750
26	PYT	2	0	0	1	0	0	0	1	0	0.333	0.000	0.000
34	Tree	3	0	1	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.333	0.333	0.333